“Into a Spacious Place”

From Salvation to Spacious

Jesus blessed me with salvation years ago. I’ve experienced God’s power many times since. But the reality is, believers can hold a ticket to heaven in their pocket and still be bound by deceptive falsehood and generational sin.

It happened to me.

For years I served Jesus confined by the (often unreasonable) expectations of others. Inside my cell, the leg-irons of self-imposed super high expectations further hindered my walk with Christ. At midlife I discovered that all along I could access the key to my release. Knowing the truth led me to unlock the shackles, open the door, and walk to freedom.

He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.
(Psalm 18:19 and II Samuel 22:20, NIV)

You...have set my feet in a spacious place. (Psalm 31:8, NIV)

I like living in a broad place though I haven’t been on a payroll since June 2012. I don’t know when I’ll earn my next dollar. But in Christ I’ve never been richer or freer.

One Step Up, Three Steps Back

Before I quit church ministry (but not the church or ministry), I suffered chest pains every day for 18 months. Stress tests found nothing wrong with my heart. Yet in December 2011, various professionals at the Davidson Centre warned me I was on the verge of hospitalization.[i] Depression and anxiety pushed me to the edge of burnout. My response to 20 years in the United Methodist Church (UMC) clergy system led my family physician to suggest finding a healthier way to serve God.

In January 2012 I took a 2-month sabbatical (“spiritual and formational growth leave” so I still got paid), during which I decided to leave the pulpit permanently in June. I preached my last sermon on Father’s Day and started an unpaid leave.

A month later, the years of missed Sabbaths and my perfectionist tendencies exacted another toll. The prediction of the Davidson professionals came true. In July 2012 I was admitted to the hospital.

An invisible rope looped around my chest and each end played tug-of-war for 19 hours. “Am I dying?” I wondered at 2 a.m. in my hospital bed. Nitroglycerine in the ER not only failed to ease the tightness, it added a killer headache to my chest pain. The rope let go only after an echocardiogram and a heart catheterization turned out well.

The route to freedom is more like a mountain road than a straight line.

VTP to the Rescue

The UMC’s Voluntary Transition Program began January 1, 2013, to offer clergy a graceful way to change vocations, to exit ordained ministry. Last spring I jumped at the VTP when I learned of it. After 10 months on leave, I became the first United Methodist clergy in the world to sign up.

The VTP helped shift my ministry from the pulpit back to the pew. I lived as a disciple long before the bishop laid hands on me; through baptism, all Christians are commissioned for ministry in the priesthood of all believers. God used VTP benefits to enlarge my spacious place through a severance payment, help with moving expenses, and career counseling.

I turned in my clergy credentials on April 23, 2013. I drove home sad, but free. I was no longer the minister, pastor, preacher, reverend. Yet I remained what matters most: a child of God. 

[i] The Davidson Centre for the Professions offers on-site renewal programs for ministry, medicine, law, and public service. See www.davcp.com.

David